


A Chaos of Pre-Marriage Meeting

by Lichtstrahl



Series: Just a collection consisting the rare pairing of Kamui x Okita Sougo [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: M/M, Marriage meeting, Okikamui on top, this is crap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:13:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8971426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lichtstrahl/pseuds/Lichtstrahl
Summary: Odd Jobs and Shinsengumi in a pre-marriage meeting.Of course it's a disaster.





	

"Boss, c'mon! I need your help!"  
"No, I said no already! Go and call your dad! Ask him to come here and do the shit for you!"  
"That baldy will just mess things up and beside he won't even bother to come!"  
"Oi, oi, we're talking about marriage here. He'll come!"  
"But waiting for him will be too long! I want to do this as quick as possible!"  
"Why should you arrange meeting anyway! If you want to get married then just go and do that!"  
"Come on, I'll treat you on chocolate parfait."  
"Seriously?"  
Kamui nods his head, "Seriously. Until you're sick of parfaits."

"Kagura-chan, he's falling for such cheap deals." Shinpachi whispers. "What's going on anyway. Why is Kamui-san here?"  
Kagura sighs, petting Sadaharu.  
"That idiot big brother of mine suddenly shows up and declares that he's going to get married. Now he's asking Gin-chan to be his guardian to meet with his bride's. Well, it's groom though."  
"Married!? Kamui-san!? With who?"  
Kagura snaps the handle of her parasol she is holding onto, "The sadist bastard."  
"Sadist- You don't mean.."  
Kagura doesn't answer, instead she focuses on playing with Sadaharu's fur.  
"EEHHHHHHH!?!?!?"  
"Shinpachi, you're too loud."

"So, when's the big day?"  
"Sunday," Kamui smiles happily, of course, Gintoki finally accepts, why won't he be happy?  
"In two days, huh. What about the tabs and all? Just a reminder, we're broke."  
"He said that Hijikata-san will handle all the bill."  
"Hijikata, huh. Then it's all good," Gintoki nods.  
"Thanks, Boss!" Kamui stands up, "I'll be going then."  
"Where?"  
"Date!"  
"Tch, younglings these days."

 

-||-

"Tch, why should I do this again," Hijikata clicks his tongue, face showing how displeased is he at the moment.  
"Hah? You think I want to do this again after doing this once for Tama?" Gintoki replies in the same tone.  
"Now, now, calm down, Toshi. We're doing this for Sougo since we're his guardians." Kondo tries.  
"I know that! But I heard his boyfriend got an actual parents but why does this natural perm bastard showed up instead!?"  
"Do you know that I came here just because Kamui begged me to!?"

"I did not beg," Kamui slides the door open. "I was simply asking you for a favor in return of parfaits."

Hijikata snorts, "So you were bribed with parfaits? How cheap can you get?"

"Are you one to talk, Hijikata-san?" Sougo appears as well, hand crossed as he looks down at Hijikata. "After stubbornly rejecting, you finally agreed when I offered you a box of mayonnaise and a ticket to go to a mayonnaise factory."

"Oh, my. Is that true, Hijikata-kun? Mayonnaise is cheaper than parfait, right? Doesn't that makes you cheaper than me?"  
A vein pops on Hijikata's forehead, "If this isn't for Sougo, I'll have arrested you by the moment."  
"Bring it on! I'll see you try, you V-haired bastard."

"Now, it's enough, Gin-san/Toshi. Let's get on with this."

"Hey," Kamui waves at the brunet and Sougo gave him a small smile.

"Oi, oi, what's with that attitude!? My big brother went through the trouble to wave his hand for you and you can't at least wave back?" Kagura speaks up, trying to look intimidating.  
"Oh, China, you're here too."  
Steam shoots out from Kagura's head as she slams her fist on the table, "You bastard! I won't accept you! I'll never accept you as my big brother in law! I'll kill you here and right now so that you won't be able to marry anyone forever!"  
"Kagura-chan calm down!" Shinpachi holds her back from trying to charge at the now smirking Sougo.

"You say that but the decision is entirely on Kamui's hand," Sougo says, totally relaxed. "This is just all for formality, you know. We're going to get married regardless what you say."  
"Now that you mention it, why did you arrange this meeting, Okita-san?"  
"No reason. I just thought it'd be fun if we all meet and all of this mess happens."

"This guy's really-" Kagura is almost at her limit, ready to strangle Sougo anytime.

"I was surprised when Kamui said you'll be coming instead of his father though, Boss."

"Hah? What can I do, he's being considerate of you since you don't have any parents."  
"Oh really." Sougo breathes out a chuckle hand on his stomach.  
"You feeling okay?" Kamui asks.  
"Yeah."

"So, about the marriage," Hijikata starts. "You've made you decision right, Sougo?"  
Sougo nods.  
"What about you, uhm, Kamui?"  
"Of course, I'll marry him. After all, I have to take responsibility, don't I?" Kamui smiles.  
"What do you mean by responsibility?" Kondo questions.  
"Oh? Kondo-san, Hijikata-san, didn't I tell you guys?"

All eyes' focus are at the young policeman as he declares, "I'm pregnant, you know. With his child." He points to Kamui.

Everyone's jaw drops to the ground at such shocking declaration.  
Kagura's soul immediately leaves her body. Shinpachi, despite being shocked, goes to Kagura's aid while the other three are frozen in place.

"Oh my, they're all so shocked." Kamui blinks in amusement. "And I thought you said you already told them?"  
"I thought I did, too. But it seems like I haven't."  
"Ahh, they're all frozen," Kamui pokes on Gintoki's cheek, trying to wake him up.  
"Hijikata-san? Did the news killed you? Ah, what a relief. Now I can take the vice captain position." Sougo says flatly, slapping Hijikata on the cheek.

But before his palm could make contact with it, Hijikata grabs him by the wrist.  
"Sougo... What do you mean by pregnant?"  
"You know, pregnant. Where you got a baby inside your womb which you will give birth to after 9 months."

Kamui is also in the same situation.  
"Kamui. What did you do!? How is that even possible!? Okita-kun, is a dude, right!?"   
"We fucked and he gets pregnant. He's 100% male."  
"No- but? Why- How can that happen? Males can't get pregnant!"  
"Ah, he was a girl when we do that."  
"Huh? What- What do you mean by that?" Gintoki asks, completely lost.  
"Don't tell me-!" Kondo joins the conversation, seems to be having a clue of whatever Kamui is talking about. "Around a month ago.."  
Sougo nods, "Yeah, it was around a month ago. The dekobokko accident."

And suddenly, everything makes sense.  
"But how?" Shinpachi finds himself asking.  
"Nah, maybe it's miracle," Sougo shrugs. "Even when I'm back into a guy, the baby's still here."

".......Then there's no further discussion. You guys are marrying no matter what," Gintoki says. "And congrats, Okita-kun."  
"Thanks, Boss."  
"It ends here, right? Then I'll be going home."  
"No, wait." Hijikata interrupts. "Now that we found out Sougo's p-p-pregnant, we have a lot of things to talk about."  
"Toshi's right," Kondo agrees.

"Hah? Talk it out with Kamui himself."  
"Aren't you his guardian?"   
Kamui looks at Gintoki, "Boss, you can just sit and listen. The food hasn't even come yet and you're leaving already?"

"Excuse me, your orders has arrived."  
The lady then sets out all the dish on the table.  
"Fine then."

"For starters, I'll ask about your job."

From that sentence alone, a big exclamation mark appear inside the Odd Jobs members' mind.

I-If they found out Kamui is a space pirate-!!

"I was a former space-"  
"Criminal." Sougo ends the sentence.

"What?"

"Are you deaf, Hijikata-san? I said he was a former space criminal. You know, the space pirate Harusame?"  
"I've heard of them," Kondo said. "Space Pirates Harusame, the largest Amanto crime syndicate in the universe involved in many illicit dealings."

It's the end! It's the end for you, Kamui!! Instead of getting married, you'll live behind bars forever!!

"Yeah, that's the one," Sougo nods.

And Okita-kun? You're selling your soon to be husband you know? Why would you do that? You'll end up a single parent!

"I'm the 7th division commander," Kamui says proudly.

That's nothing to be proud about!!! They're policeman, you know? You're a criminal, even worse than that zura and me!

"Oi, what's the meaning of this, Sougo?"  
"What? He was a criminal, so what?"  
"Don't what me! You're a policeman, aren't you?"  
"Then what about you, Hijikata-san? Aren't you in relationship with a criminal as well?"

Hijikata's entire movement halts as he looks at Sougo nervously.  
"What do you mean by that? Okita-san?"  
"Eh? You guys don't know? Hijikata-san is in relationship with-"

"So what if Sougo wants to marry a former criminal, huh? Even though he was one before now he's just a good boy! Right, Sougo?"  
"Toshiiiii!!!!"

Sougo gives Kamui a triumphtant smirk in which Kamui returns.

"S-So you were a criminal and now a free man, huh? But if you don't have any job how will you support Sougo and youe child?"  
"Actually, Sou-kun offered me a job."  
"Oh, he did. What job?"  
"The Shinsengumi vice captain position," Sougo smiles.  
"I see, I see- wait, Isn't that my position!? What are you two brats planning to do!?"  
"I was just kidding, Hijikata-san. I offered him a place in the first squad. What do you think? He's strong. You know that time whe I was in brink of death? Shogun assassination arc? That's his doing."  
"I can't accept this! He's a cr-"

"Hey, hey. Kondo-san, do you ever hear sounds coming from Hijikata-san's room at night?"  
"Yeah, I think I have."  
"Actually, that's from him having s-"

"SO WHAT IF A CRIMINAL WANTS TO JOIN THE POLICEMAN? HAHAHAH IT'S NO PROBLEM AT ALL, RIGHT, KONDO-SAN!?"

"Okita-san.. has Hijikata-san wrapped inside his finger, huh."  
"Huh? What? Wrapped? No no no! It's not like I go to that Mayo-freak room at midnight to wrap my arms around him. No -no not at all!"  
"Gin-san? Why are you panicking? And I think you just exposed something I'm supposed to know. Oh, you're mixing wasabi and mayonnaise together, you know."  
"Hah? Mayonnaise? It's not like we use mayonnaise as lub-"

"W-W-WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, OF COURSE NO.!" Hijikata shuts Gintoki up my squeezing a fine amount of Mayonnaise inside his mouth.

Gintoki too, K.O

"Then, Hijikata-san, Kamui can join my squad, right?"  
"Yes, yes, of course! You're welcome in every squad of Shinsengumi. You can even make your own squad."  
"Isn't that great."

Hijikata finally calms himself down, "Why am I so tired." He mumbles to himself and tries to replenish his energy with the sashimi in front of him.

One bite and Hijikata, K.O

"Oops, I'm sorry, Hijikata-san. I thought that was a garbage so I threw away all of the wasabi I hate there."

"S-S-Sougo, you bastard!"

The only concious member left are : Kondo Isao, Shimura Shinpachi.

"Sougo."  
"What's it, Kondo-san?"  
"About your child, Do either of you want to be a stay-at-home parent? Do both of you want to continue working full-time? If so, will your kids go to daycare, or have a nanny?"  
"Hmm.. we haven't thought of that." Kamui says.  
"We'll stay until he/she hits a year and we'll continue working? We can leave them at the Odd Jobs?"  
"Sounds great."  
"Great, my ass! What do you think Odd Jobs is? A day care?"  
"You say that, Shinpachi-kun. But Boss will do all jobs as long as he get paid, doesn't he?"

Shinpachi is rendeered speechless, "True that..Gin-san is that kind of guy. He's that kind of guy who'll do any jobs as long as they pay. He's that kind of loser. Yeah, that's right."

"Ah, he has entered a slump." Kamui reports.  
"So, Kondo-san, we have your approval, right?"  
Kondo takes a look on his surrounding and gulps.  
"Y-Yeah, of course. When's the day of the marriage? Just tell me and I'll get everything prepared."  
"Really? Thank you very much, Kondo-san. The big day's in a week and we woud like a nation marriage."  
"Nation-wide? Yeah, of course. No problem, I'll arrange it immediately!"  
And Kondo flees all by himself.

"Ah, you beat everyone up," Kamui laughs, amused. "Amazing."  
"I know I am," Sougo smiles, watching as Kamui pratically gobbles everything up in the table. "Eat as much as you want, Hijikata-san's paying."  
"As expected of Sou-kun. Not only we got their approval, we even scored a nation wide marriage," Kamui laughed.

"Anyway, did the Harusame let you leave?"  
"It's tough but all's well that ends well."  
Sougo hums, "Our child, would you prefer a daughter or son?"  
"I don't mind any gender. What about you?"  
"I'd love a son. Since I guess he would be easier to take care, we're guys after all."  
"Good thinking. Then a boy it is," Kamui finalizes.  
"A boy it is, my ass. You're not one to decide."  
"Just trust me, we'll get a boy."  
"And if it's girl?"  
"Wanna make a bet?"  
"Sure, what are we betting?"  
"How about, the loser will wear a cock ring everytime we have sex for a month."  
"You're on."

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry not sorry for this crap xDD


End file.
